Hey...t.

These last few days have been crazy. Christmas night, Tia and I came to my apartment. Friday, S4S had a show, so the entire sisterhood and Julie went. It was a lot of fun. Haze and Zac stayed the night. We all drank (minus me) and danced. Zac unfortunately had too much tequila and long story short, we had a huge fight. He wanted to drive home but I wouldn't let him because he was so wasted. To keep him from going anywhere, I took his keys. He broke into his jeep with a hanger. He talked shit to random guys and got rowdy. It was bad- I yelled at him, I stomped around, I walked around in the cold, and I cried. But everything is okay.

The one statement that was the highlight of the night was when Zac and Hazley were in the living room while Tia, Julie, Brit, and I were in my room. All of a sudden, all we heard was Zac say, "the last time I had sex, I HAD FUCKING PNEUMONIA!" as he unknowingly announced it to everyone in the apartment.

Anyway, Tia and I are heading over to Josh's for a while. We're going back to Wilmington in the morning. I'm done with this update.

Blogging from my phone.

It's weird haha. I'm going to do this more. But i'm done right now.


New years resolution: zac is done drinking and smoking- help him with that.

Christmas Eve

And it doesn't feel like it.

Zac and I celebrated it tonight. Well, after I went to church and Outback with Mom, Dad, and Aunt Mary. He came over around 7:30, and we exchanged gifts. He got me a necklace, three shirts from Forever 21 (including the one shirt I wanted more than anything), some S4S stuff (not christmas present- he was just giving it to me), and... he's paying for my tiger tattoo :x

I really don't know what I would do without him. He wrote me this card and it almost made me cry.

"No matter how crazy everything gets at times, at the end of the day, I'll always have something to make everything better as long as I have you. I'm not quite sure what I did right to end up with such an amazing and beautiful girlfriend, but I'm so glad I did :). You bring out the best in me. Baby, you're the best!"

Honestly, it was the cutest thing I've ever read. It still doesn't feel real that I have such an incredible guy in my life, but I do. I honestly, truly do. And it's about time.

Merry Christmas.

All I want for Christmas...

is THIS. Hello, Disney World. How I miss you so.

Also, grades...

as of right now (12/16/09):

Spanish: B

Lit: C

Religion: B+

Still waiting to see what I got in my Western Art class.

Be Now.

Not in the past- Be NOW.

That's the name of me & Britany's music project.

2010 is going to launch us into it, full blast.

We need to start writing music ASAP.

We already have a photoshoot lined up.

First or second week in January.

My twin, Josh Hofer (Corrupted Lens) is doing it.

I can't stop listening to electronica.

Especially Lady Gaga's STUPID Christmas song.

I'm going over Josh's soon.

/Update.

Blank canvas, blank mind.

I keep thinking about a lot of stuff. I think I'm going to try again for the Disney internship. Tia and I were gonna do it, but never followed completely through with it or followed up on it. With the Disney internship, you get to work at Disney World. You take classes. You make money working at the greatest theme park ever AND get college credit for it. It's the best deal ever, and I'd love to try it again.

Anyway, I just got home from my spanish exam and I don't think I've ever aced something as easy as it. I just breezed right on through it. I'm proud of myself. Tomorrow is going to be the hardest exam though. It's my Survey of Western Art exam. I need to start studying now until Katie comes over. I have a lot to figure out with this class. I'm already prepared to do badly. I would like to bring my grade up though.

I don't have much to talk about. I'm done.

Crazy weekend.

Failed my religion exam. He dropped that grade though. I ended up getting a B. Still don't know about Lit yet.

Thursday was LMFAO. It started out a typical night. Julie, Britany, and I went. Long story short, we ended up thinking we were partying with them, but hung out with just Pete (LMFAO's camera guy/robot). That was... interesting. Also, we saw a car (not to mention we were parked next to it) catch on fire. Scariest thing I've ever seen, I kid you not. We didn't get home until 5am.

Friday, I drove back to Wilmington. LMFAO played in Myrtle Beach, so Tia, Codi, and I went. We were supposed to chill with Pete, but he was asleep until about 10 minutes before LMFAO went on, so he texted me, saying he'd see me after the show. We didn't get to party because they had to get on the road almost as soon as the show was over. They'll be back in February though. Stayed at Tia's and we got home around 3am.

Saturday, I spent most of the day with mom and dad. It was nice to spend time with the family. We decorated the tree and whatnot. Yesterday was a hard day- I was finally told that the reason Grandmommy is doing so horribly is because she has four different types of cancer (brain, lung, liver, and breast) & is down to months left to live. Like I said, it was a hard day. Went shopping with Tia. Went home around 1am and went to bed.

Sunday, hung out with mom and dad again. Went to Grandmommy's for a while as well, and Conor's. Left Wilmington around 4. Stayed at Conor's until 8:30. Just got home about an hour or so ago.

Anyway, it's 1:30am and I need to go to bed. I have an exam at 8am. Crazy, roller coaster of a weekend. Kinda glad it's over, but kinda wish I could go back. February 19 & 20, get here now.

Another star, another day.

So I have my english exam in about 55 minutes. I'm surprisingly not too nervous about it. I'm sitting here, eating a bowl of oatmeal and listening to Jersey Shore. Surprisingly I'm not too into it after all. I go home to Wilmington in about 11 days, and I'm pretty stoked. As soon as I head there, I'm going to Conor's first. I think it's so funny that her boyfriend thinks that I'm sketchy. Of all people, ME. Apparently driving three hours for one night to go to a party is sketchy. You learn something new everyday, I guess.

Anyway, I have an exam today, 12-3; one tomorrow, 3:30-6:30; one Monday, 8-11; and one Tuesday, 12-3. I'm so ready for them to be over and be on my over-a-month long Christmas break.

I get to sell books back today and make some money. I might go to Raleigh tonight, but I really need to study for my religion exam tomorrow. So I'm pretty sure I am going to do that instead. I really need to put school first and stop going out. My parents say it all the time and now I'm agreeing. Yesterday, I should have been studying for today's exam, but instead I went out all day. Granted I still got my studying done AND got Christmas shopping/oil change done, I still should have done my studying first.

I have a list of New Years resolutions. Here they are:

1. Work out AT LEAST once a week.

2. Get all As in my classes (Bs are okay, but I'm shooting for As)

3. Get my music project off the ground.

4. Eat healthier/tone up muscles.

5. Stop cussing/talking shit about people, no matter how stupid they are.

6. Move forward with life, not backward!

I'm sure I'll think of more, but that's what I have so far. It's time to go to class. BYE.

We'll have a drink and maybe so much more.

Today was a grand day. Came home from Wilmington. Sat at the apartment for an hour. Spent the rest of the day in Charlotte. Got my other nostril pierced, thank you Taddeo. Hung out at Unbreakable Ink for quite a while. I love that kid, baha. Went shopping the rest of the time we weren't at Unbreakable. Walked around downtown. I don't know why, but I love the feeling I get when it comes to being in Charlotte. Even if I froze my ass off.

Sooo, the best friend finally found a woman. I'm pretty stoked for him. It's about freakin' time some lucky lady snatched him up! We have been through so much in the last year and a half, but he's an amazing guy and deserves the best. We are absolutely ridiculous at times, and I love it.

Christina

dickhead. (:

1:49amSammie

shit breath

1:49amChristina

hey now. that's not true.

cumdumpster.

yeah, i just went there.

1:51amSammie

clit biscuit

1:51amChristina

shit. i can't think of any good ones. i suck.

1:52amSammie

I WIN

RAHHHH!!!!

1:52amChristina

you win... a dick in your ass. (:

1:52amSammie

from you?

1:52amChristina

totally.

because i have one and all...

1:52amSammie

thats hawt.

Things like that make me love my life so much.

Also, for New Years, I'm going to Wilmington instead of Chicago. I can always go out there another time. And I'm jealous of all the WI kids, because they're supposed to get about 2 feet of snow tomorrow. And what about us? Nothing.

I'm just kinda rambling right now because I had coffee on the way home and I'm still falling asleep. I need to go to bed so I can get up at a decent time to study for my finals this week.

With a chill in the air, and lights on houses everywhere, it's time to spread that Christmas cheer.

Exactly three weeks until Christmas. I really cannot believe it. The time has gone by so fast. I cannot wait until that morning. And the fact that my best friend gets to spend Christmas with my entire family. I love that my parents wouldn't allow that for just ANYONE. They really see her as a part of the family.

Also, I can't wait for it to snow. Since today is TECHNICALLY Friday, that means it's supposed to snow TOMORROW. I'm SOOOOOO excited. I hardly get snow anymore living in the south. I honestly don't even care if it sticks or not, as long as it falls.

Tonight was... interesting. First, Summer and I met Britany at Denny's for the weekly D-sesh. We talked over coffee and good food, like we always do. Afterwards, Summer and I came home briefly then went over to Eda's house to see Clint and Wil. Greg and Drew were with them. I missed Clint and Wil and was very happy to see them, as they were happy to see us as well.

The whole time, Greg was drunk (which is weird to me because he's been edge as long as I've known him, though I had a feeling it wouldn't last. It seems to be a joke down here- in NC anyway.) and he, as always, kept telling me I should date him. And as always, I brushed it off. He's been doing this for about 6 months now, and it gets kind of old after a while. As Summer and I put it (and if I wasn't happily in a relationship like I currently am), "If he were... not Greg, I'd date him." Bahahaha, I love my life and my friends.

Back to Amarna Reign. Back to Christmas. Back to life. Later!

PS, Josh and I are going to see A Christmas Carol in 3D on Sunday when he gets off work. SOO stoked. Just sayin'.

A long December and there's reason to believe...

maybe this year will be better than the last.

Counting Crows said it best. I'm hoping that 2010 will be better than 2009. Don't get me wrong, 2009 has had some good points, but there is always a chance for improvement. 2009 has also had some really bad times as well. I'm ready for my life to take shape and really show me what is going to happen.

Also, I have 29 days to come up with at least one New Years resolution. Last year, I never made one and now that the year is coming to a close, I almost feel empty- like I didn't do anything spectacular. I want to change a lot of things, the only thing is to get it started.

Sitting in class really makes me think sometimes. Obviously not about what we're doing in class, but just about life in general. I'm happy with how things are going again, but like I said, there is always room for improvement.

My audition for the School of Music is in 2 days. I wasn't as nervous about it until today. Now I'm super scared. I keep telling myself I'll make it. But... what if I don't? I already have my schedule set up in case I don't, but I hate rejection. Since music is what I wanna do with my life, I don't want to be rejected. Granted I could stick with photojournalism and do music on the side, plus I could stick with my dream of my music project. Something about teaching piano makes me feel good. Taking my talent and sharing it with others.

I'm going to pay attention to class. We only have 30 minutes left and it's the last lecture of the semester for this class.

Tale as old as time.

Beauty and the Beast will forever be my Disney movie. It has more meaning to me than anyone could begin to imagine, nor will anyone be able to imagine. It has (in a way) helped form me into who I am today. As a child, that movie was my life. As a teenager, it was an inspiration. As an adult, I can't even begin to explain. I see myself as a lot like Belle. When it comes to love, I can see past a guy's outer appearance and see them for who he really is. It's how I've always aspired to be, and as I grew up, I saw it happen.

Anyway, enough of my Disney rant. I mean if I could, I'd go live in Disney World, just to be around it all the time. Not to mention the live performance of Beauty and the Beast brought me to tears. Anyway... tomorrow, I leave to go home for Thanksgiving. I'm soo excited. I mean, I haven't seen Zac in almost a month. I haven't seen Tia in a few weeks. Conor's only been like 2 weeks, but still. And it's been almost a month since I saw my family as well. I've already packed and gotten everything ready to go. The only thing I have left to do is bake the pumpkin pies, go see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, pack up my computer, and head out.

There's been a lot of stuff going on, but a lot of it has been straightened out. I'm just so ready for December and January. Christmas, Chicago, and the boys coming down here are the three biggest events coming up.

Christmas: self-explanatory. I mean, come on! A fun holiday with presents and family and cold weather, and it's just a lot of fun.

Chicago: Summer, Britany, Kara, Mika, and I are going Dec 29-Jan 2 just to take a girls' trip and get away. New Years is always exciting, especially when in such a big city, away from home. We're driving my car, which is only a 12 hour drive (yes, I know it sounds long. I've done a 12 hour drive to go see the guys for ONE night, so that long of a trip for almost a week to see them plus Julia PLUS celebrating New Years in the city is sooo worth it!).

The boys coming down: Starting January 1, the boys will be on tour with The Crimson Armada and In the Midst of Lions. They come to Raleigh (The Brewery) on January 13 (which just so happens to be the day after Clay's birthday- they're always around me on/near someone's birthday! And it's the same day I went to Nashville to see them last year). They're (hopefully only SSS) staying at my apartment, and Britany and I already declared it Bro Night after the show, meaning pizza and beer. It'll be nice to have a Sleep Serapis Sleepover and not have to pay for hotel rooms. I only do it because I love them though, and feel like the mother figure when they're out on the road. They're my boys and I don't want anything to happen to them.

I can't think of anything else to talk about, sooo... here's a video.

For everything under the sun, I owe you one.

So the last few days have been a roller coaster. It's finally that time of the month, which came as SUCH a relief. I hadn't had... that time since the end of September. I hate how irregular I am and how much it scares me. But there's no need to worry. That's added to my random (bad enough as it is) mood swings, and amplified them.

Anyways, today is Friday, November 20, 2009. I only have 5 days until I'm home for Thanksgiving. Super excited. Courtney's baby boy is due tomorrow. I can't believe I'm going to be an "aunt" once again. This break is going to be awesome on so many levels. First time in four years that I'm not working on Black Friday.

Plans for Chicago have been firmed. We're going December 29-Jan 2. It's going to be me, Summer, Kara, her friend Mika, and maybe Libby. It's a strictly girls' trip, and I'm so excited. I miss the big city so much. I'll be so happy once I'm back. The only thing that will suck is driving in the snow/ice, plus the drastically cold temperatures. And Julia has to work some of the time. It will be so worth it once we're there, though.

Today started out with me thinking the worst, and ended up turning out well. I woke up (and went to bed) with the worst cramps in the world. I had to go to class to get a quiz and take a Spanish test. Well, in Lit, we did the quiz in partners, got to use our notes... everything. Pretty much an instant 100. THEN! We got to revise an old quiz on cinema/film terms by analyzing The Dark Knight. The best part is we did it Wednesday, and today we had to write down whatever we could remember that we talked about in class. After that, I went to my Spanish class, expecting the worst for my test since I'd hardly studied. When we got the test, I went through it and knew a lot of it pretty well. Some of it I had a little trouble on, but the majority was easy. After that, I walked home. Normally I walk to the EUC, down Walker, and to my apartment. Today, though, I thought about changing my path. I went down Spring Garden, took Aycock, and then went down Cobb, which ends in my complex. As I was walking, I was thinking. Something came over me and gave me the best disposition for some reason. It was a very nice walk. Not too cold. Etc. Ever since I left my Spanish class, feeling confident, today has really turned around.

I should probably wrap this up so I can get showered and take a nap before work. I'm working 4-8 today, 9-3:15 tomorrow, and 6-10 on Tuesday. Then I'm done with Kohl's for good. After this, I'm not rehireable, because i'm not finishing out my two weeks. Whatever, I'm not sweating it.

KBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I don't remember you looking any better...

Then again, I don't remember you.

I'm sitting in class as I write this. We're taking notes on Romanticism artwork in the 19th century. I should be taking notes, but I don't have the brain capacity today. I'm finally getting better from my illness. Turns out the doctor thought it was a sinus infection. I got 3 different types of pills to take, and it's all really helping.

I have a full day today. After class, I'm off to Denny's with Britany. Then back to my Religious Studies class. THEN! it's off to work, 6-10. Today, I get to put in my two weeks notice. I'm so excited, and I hope it bothers Wanda. She's a bitch anyway.

My computer is close to being dead, and I only have 5 minutes left in class. I'm done.

I won't give up, I won't run.

News flash: Fever has now broken 100 degrees. I'm definitely going to the clinic at 5, when it opens. I feel awful- worse than any other time I've been sick lately. Then again I've had many different types of sick/sucknesses (UTI, Strep Throat, etc). I've lived here 3 months and this is the third time I've gotten sick. If this keeps up, I really don't wanna live here anymore. Or maybe I should actually try taking care of myself hahaha.

Anyway, today is November 15. It's been a year since Sammie came down to visit. I've thought about it today, like I figured I would. It also made me think of it being a year since Sammie punched Robbie in the face, which made me laugh. Anyway, it's really not getting to me like I thought it would. Then again, I'm more worried about getting over whatever sickness I have.

I don't have much to talk about. I'm just being a grump and listening to John Mayer. Finally set up my schedule for next semester for my meeting with my advisor next semester. Bring it on, Spring semester! ;)

Who says I can't get stoned?

The new John Mayer CD rules so hard. I just wanted to throw that out there.

I am currently sick, which sucks. I have a 99 degree fever, which isn't that bad. But it's still a fever and it's still contagious. Chances are if I feel like this in the morning, I'm not going into work.

I'm really hungry and craving really weird things, but I can't decide what I wanna eat. I know I want rice cakes and peanut butter, but I don't have any rice cakes. I also want hummus, but it's garlic so I kinda don't want it right now. I think I'll just heat up the queso and have it and chips.

Once again, Libby is gone for the weekend, so my apartment is really lonely. Luckily, I have the voice of John Mayer to keep me happy.

I'm done.

Have yourself a merry little...

Yeah, it's getting to be that time. Thanksgiving is just two weeks away, and then hardly a month later comes Christmas. I don't know why, but I always seem to be down around the holidays. It doesn't make sense to me. I act like I'm happy. I tell myself I'm happy. But deep down, I don't feel happy. The holidays are a time of joy, togetherness, and celebrating. Yet while I'm doing all that, I never feel it the way I should. Sometimes I'm convinced I'm an extremely amazing actress. I can fool others into thinking I'm okay. Hell, I can even convince myself that I'm okay. Yet when I really sit here and think about it, it really is all a lie. I go with the flow. I just go with it all. I wish that one of these times I'd be sincere about being happy. Maybe it's the fact that I do a lot of stuff by myself. Who knows.

Ever since I was younger and saw how two faced people really can be, I've always felt like they're the same way toward me. Hence why I do a lot of the things I do alone, or even like being alone at all. Sometimes I really don't like being alone, but I'd rather be alone than lied to, because either way I'd still end up alone. One way, though, wouldn't involve lies and the unnecessary stuff.

This Christmas will be the first time I have to come home in order to celebrate. I don't like that. I like being home already where I can see my grandma every day if I want to. She's 91 years old, and we're all so scared she's not going to make it much longer because ever since my Aunt Catherine (her sister) died, she has started really going downhill. Her sister was her support, her lifeline, her everything. I'm so worried. This constant stress of her has started weighing down.

Also, this time last year was the happiest I'd been in my entire life. I know I've mentioned it so many times, but this weekend makes an entire year. I'm so over that person, but not how I felt at the time. That feeling I had was the greatest feeling ever. It's taken a year, and though I've gotten really close to it, I still haven't gotten IT. Then again, when you're head over heels for someone and things diminish, it takes a lot of time to ever feel something like that again. Mainly because of the walls you learn to put up so you never feel as hurt as you did when it ended. I'm glad things turned out the way they did, I just wish I could get that feeling back. I'd give anything pretty much.

Today is my Aunt Mary's birthday. My family is very close and for birthdays we always get together and celebrate. My family is my life, and, though I may not have shown it in the past, they mean the entire world to me. It really sucks to know that I'm 200 miles away right now instead of at my grandmother's, having a birthday dinner with the family.

This post is pretty pointless- I'm just getting things out there that have been on my mind so much lately. I felt it is time to let these things out, because keeping stuff bottled in is never helpful, nor is it healthy.

I'm going to Chicago for New Years. I don't care if I fly or I drive with some people- I am going. I haven't told many people about this trip, because I really don't want many people to know. I just need another break. This North Carolina air has me so clogged up and I just need some fresh air to breathe. Like I said, I've had so much on my mind. Some of it I don't even feel safe writing in here. That's how much shit has been on my mind. A couple people reading this know, though.

I miss my old best friend more and more every day. Danielle and I have been friends since I was 6 years old. We never EVER got into a fight. We always worked things through if we disagreed on it, or picked on each other until it didn't even matter anymore (never mean picking, always joking). We used to be inseparable. She and I could tell each other EVERYTHING and not worry about anyone else knowing. She was the one person I always felt 100% comfortable with and didn't worry about her talking behind my back about anything. A friendship that lasted that long wouldn't be a fake one. It kills me to know that ever since she started dating Derek, our friendship started falling apart. And it's taken me about 6 months, but I have realized a lot of it is my fault. When she would try talking to me about stuff, I just took it as the same stuff she always talked about and would brush it off. I went through a phase where all I cared about was myself. I didn't think anything of it, but it really pushed away the one friend I had that was greater than any other I'd had in my entire lifetime. She put up with all the bullshit going on in my life (the guys included), the 400 mile move I made, and the fact that we had to go from seeing each other multiple times a week to seeing each other only 3 or 4 times a year. She put up with so much, and I didn't realize how grateful I was to have her in my life. No one will ever understand how much this girl meant to me, and always will. It REALLY sucks because I'm constantly having dreams about us being friends again and everything being perfectly fine. Then I wake up and remember that we're no longer friends. And haven't been for the last six months. The last time we talked, we got into a huge fight via texting while I was in Florida on vacation.

I think I'm done wasting your time with this post. I've just had all of this bottled up. It may not even make sense to you, but it does to me. And it all has been nagging at my throat and my brain. I wish I could just rid my brain of so many things that have happened in my life, as well as a lot of people.

Turn on! Tune in!

So today has been a bad day from the get go. First, my first class meets for a whole 5 minutes. My teacher had to leave to go to Atlanta. His sister in law died in a wreck last night. Then some girl riding her bike on campus got hit by a car (she's still alive though, thank god), then my bike got stolen. then the group work I had to meet at the library for got rescheduled after I was already sitting at the library...

Also, Zac has pneumonia. I went down on Monday to see him, and he started getting better. Tonight, though, he had a pretty bad asthma attack. I'm really worried about his health. I'm 200 miles away and can't do anything to help, and that's all I want to do. He told me he's gonna quit smoking, slow down on drinking, and plans on going back to school. I really hope this all happens. They're all such good turnarounds and would make me really happy.

I'm ready for school to be out again. I have a meeting in two and a half weeks with my advisor to pick out my classes for next semester. My audition for the School of Music is in 38 days. I'm so nervous about it. I've been working on my pieces a lot more lately. Mom and Dad told me that if I get accepted, they're paying off my credit card as my congrats present. You have no idea how excited I am about that. That card will be the death of me.

I really want to travel more again. Zac and I were talking about taking a trip in the winter, possibly to Canada. I don't know if it will happen or not, but doing that would be so much fun. I also want to take a trip to New York in the winter, and I think I'm going to Chicago to stay with Julia again for New Years. I love traveling so much, I can hardly stay still at times. Going to places I've never been (or only been once or twice) just really excites me.

I hear my upstairs neighbor playing his acoustic guitar, and it's really making me want to pull out mine and play for a while tonight. I'm going to watch the rest of Return to House on Haunted Hill and do so.

i just wanna be successful.

life is fantastic. i have my girls. i have my man. i have lots going on. i really cannot complain, and i abolutely love it.


thanksgiving is in a month and 5 days. i'm in charge of baking this year. mom made the suggestion to invite zac to come celebrate with our family, since we're having it at our house. i'm still not used to having a boyfriend on holidays, but i'm excited he might cme spend it with us.

what else is funny is when i'm in town, the only people i hang out with besides him and tia are his friends. i love it though.

i'm just really glad he and i are back together for real.

i'm laying on the couch at britany's, just writng whatever comes to mind. she said i can have the computer, so end blog.

Please wait for me.

As of 4 days ago, Zac and I are back together. I'm so happy. It's taken months, but I'm back to being as happy as I was a long time ago. I'm going home this weekend, and will be there until Tuesday. The entire sisterhood is going. Britany, Summer, and I are leaving after I get off work and we get ready. This is going to be a very interesting weekend. We're staying at Tia's, so who knows what kind of trouble we're going to get into. I also get to see Zac for a lot of it. I honestly don't care about seeing many people, but there are a couple others I'd like to see as well.

On another note, Away We Go is a super cute movie and I'm about to watch it again. I watched it for the first time yesterday and fell in love.

Also, I just cleaned the shit out of my apartment. I'm proud of myself. That's what happens when my roommate is gone and all the other people I wanna see are at work or three hours away. X_X

I can hear my train coming,

it's a lonesome and distant cry.

I can hear my train coming,

now I'm running for my life.

What makes a man walk away from his mind?
I think I know. I think I might know.

So much going on lately.

Summer and I are going to NY in 18 days.

Soooo stoked on that trip, you have no idea.

I'm super sleepy and can't think of what to update about.

Summer and I are on the phone. And Tia, now that she made noise.

We've all been on the phone for over 4-5 hours now :D

GOODNIGHTTTTTTTTT.

All I ever do is give,

it's time you see my point of view.

As deep as I need you, you wanna leave it all.

We'll walk this town with fears that everyone will come

knocking down our dreams, but we won't let em.

We'll sing oh, oh no. We'll keep singing baby, no they won't.

UPDATE: A bunch of stuff has been going on since I last updated.

1. Marietta- great trip as always. I love the boys. Always will. They're my kids. Brandon failed at life, though, and said something about it the night before while being drunk. They were all still so excited, though.

2. School started. I'm still adjusting to that. It's going to be an interesting semester. Soccer starts on Friday. I'm excited to go watch.

3. I miss Conor and Tia, but that's nothing new. And I get to see them this weekend.

4. This weekend is the tattoo convention. Since my side piece is done, Al's entering me :D

5. I've seen The Scene Aesthetic perform twice in the last week. They're probably my favorite band to see live. Them, NFG, and Lights. SOOO good. They played here and in Charlotte.

6. My roommate rules. She's about as laid back as I am. We get along great and I love it.

7. I started hanging out with a bad person to hang out with, but after finally seeing again that he'll never change, I've dropped him like a hot potato. I knew he wouldn't anyway.

8. I've only lived here 2 and a half weeks, but I already caught strep throat :/ I've been sick for the last 3 or 4 days. I went to the doctor today and they confirmed it. Hello, penicillin for 10 days.

9. I'm going to New York in 38 days to see Randy since he moved. It'll be fall break and Britany and I wanna get out of here. (:

I'm coming home Sunday and Monday. So excited to see friends and family I haven't seen since I moved.

Well, that's about it.

See you in like another month.

The new chapter begins.

I've been in my new apartment for the last 3 days. I love it so much.

Life has really started falling into place now. Although I miss the crap out of Tia and Conor more and more every day.

Marietta tomorrow, so excited.

I'm going to go lay in bed and watch Zack and Miri for the eleventeen thousandth time.

I'll never ask for anyone but you.

Less than two days. Forty one hours. That's it. Then I'll be a citizen of Greensboro, NC.

I'm so ready for Georgia. It's been pretty rough keeping it a secret from the guys, but I did it this time. Six more days until that, then I get to surprise the crap out of them. I'm so ready to see their faces! (:

Conor still has to figure out if she's staying with me for the week. If so, she needs to know by tomorrow morning, because she has to be here tomorrow afternoon. We might be going to Concord on Sunday or something. It depends on what the guys are doing. It'd be fun if we get to go, but if not, we get to break in my apartment even more.

I need to figure out if Sam's coming for Blink 182. I really hope they're not on tour then so he can come down. It's his favorite band, and me. That's a perfect combination. Plus Fall Out Boy, All-American Rejects and Asher Roth. Having him for a few days would be awesome, since I never get to see my best friend.

I'm going out to eat at Outback in like 50 minutes. The day has gone by so slow because I'm starving, but if I eat something, I'll be full at dinner. I already know exactly what I'm getting- quesadilla w/honey mustard dip for an appetizer, and a Bloomin' burger. That's what I get everytime I go, thanks to getting those in MKE last year. They're both so delicious and I love them.

Watch the sun rise.

Countdown: 4 days.

I just packed up my room today, and it was a weird feeling. My closet and dresser are so empty now, it's almost unsettling.

Yesterday, Conor and I left the front door unlocked and left for a few hours. When I came home, I started to freak out, because I kept hearing noises. I needed someone to talk to, so I called my best friend. He talked to me for a few minutes and was like, "Wait, didn't you just see the Proposal and you don't wanna sleep alone tonight?" & I was like, "... yeaaah..." and he goes, "Yeah, Mike and I were creeping your facebook!" Also he tried to make me feel better by saying, "Even if someone were in your house, it wouldn't matter, because you're too ugly- they wouldn't want anything to do with you!" That was such a great pep talk that will end in his death :D

I'm running out of things to say, so I'll end on this note: Toast with cream cheese is an amazing invention, and the first person that ever did it deserves a hug (:

Maybe we should move in together.

Work was rad. I also got paid vacation time, so I'll have a fat check next Friday.

Last night was crazyyyy. Conor and I had nothing to do, so we drove to Columbia to see ASGR's show. We were gonna come home, but I was too tired, so we stayed with the guys. We didn't get to the house until 4:30am, and the guys didn't get there until 5am. I stayed up with Lance until 9, watching movies. It was a lot of fun. I got a total of an hour and a half of sleep, and had to drive all the way home today.

Moving a week from today. Crazy. I'm so nervous.

You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for...

Of course. Stood up. I knew it would happen. I'm done trying with him again.

October 1. Blink 182. Might be one of the most amazing days ever. Sammie might hopefully fly down and go with me, then spend a few days at my apartment. I really hope that happens.

8 days. A week from tomorrow. I don't think it could come any slower *knocks on wood*.

August 19th. Everything is set. Britany, Conor, and I are so going. Marietta, Georgia. Four hour drive. One night. Three girls. Seven guys. Two hotel rooms. Plenty of memories. The usual craziness of the extended family. The best part is only 2 out of the 7 know about it- Clay and Brandon. I love my life a lot.

I have to be up in 6 hours. Fuck tax free weekend and me not thinking about having the day off WITH paid vacation time :/

Save my life.

Nine days. Down to single digits.

I guess I have a little date wish Zac tonight. We're planning on going to see The Ugly Truth and going out to dinner. It should be a lot of fun. Being with him is always fun.

The next few days will be interesting. No parents as of Friday.

I can't think straight right now. I'm too tired.

I can't go on without you.

Forgetting's hard when you're the only one who makes things easy. You make things easy. You're the only one that eases me.

Is it too late to save you now?

Is it too late to save you somehow?

If you wanna believe in me,

don't tell me you're leaving.

Please don't be leaving me.

Cause where you are going

is not where you need to be.

I am here for you if you want me to.

Fifteen days. That's not much time at all. As usual, there is so much going on in my head.

I'm a total wreck today. Thank you stress, school, life, and Harley. My chest hurts and my eyes have stayed watery all day. I just want to get on a plane and fly far away from here. I don't care where (although Los Angeles or Chicago would be nice), I just want to get up and go. No byes or anything. BAM! Gone.

I work a full day's shift today, 3:45-11:30. At least it'll be money.

Zac and I are better again. He might be going to Chapel Hill for school. I really hope he does. He needs to get back into school, I would like that. We've been talking everyday for the last couple days again, and I'm fine with it.

The Scene Aesthetic plays in 27 days in Charlotte, I'm so ready to see them. They play the day before in Greensboro, but I'll be in Raleigh seeing Brandon. Unless I have to work on the 27th, then that would really suck. Decisions, decisions.

I'm fed up with my best friend again, and I'm taking a break. I'm not announcing it to him this time, but I'm putting space in between us again. He's been ignoring me for the last few days, so I'll give him what he obviously wants. If I didn't care so much about him or our past, I'd just say fuck it once and for all again. But I can't do that to us. That's not a good way to handle problems in a friendship or relationship.

I can't wait to move, yet I'm scared shitless. I haven't lived on my own yet, and it's not like I can go across town to come see my family every night. I'll be 3 hours away. Three long, boring hours. I already know that the first few days I'm going to go crazy. I can predict that I'll start crying as soon as my parents walk out the door when we move me into the apartment. I'm such an emotional wreck all the time, it sucks.

I feel like I need to go see a therapist or something. I'm always quick to snap and my emotions overlap so much it's ridiculous. I can be in the best mood, and thirty seconds later, I'll be screaming and pissed off. From there, I get in a depressed, upset state. After I go through that stage, I'm back to being happy. That's always the cycle.

Happy --->Pissed off --->Sad --->Repeat.

I'm so sick of it. It tires me out so much and it's not something I need.

Anyway, I need to stop talking about everything. At times, I forget people read this, and sometimes I say too much. Like now, too much.

Before too long, you'll be a memory.

So, Harley died today.

I'm tired of hearing "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

I've only known for like 20 minutes, and everyone keeps saying it.

If you didn't do it, you have nothing to be sorry about.

If you've got nothing to be sorry about, don't say it!

I keep thinking back to the past and THAT sucks.

I'm tired of dwelling. I'm tired of being bipolar as shit.

I'm tired of being just me. I want to be someone different now.

I'm tired of always having feelings. Especially involving someone in my past.

I'm tired of thinking about how amazing I used to feel or how happy I was.

I'm tired of caring about you, even though I'm not tired of it.

I'm just so tired of everything at the moment.

People, places, things.

I just want to buy a one way ticket somewhere and not turn back.

I just want to go; start over. I'm quite fine with that.

And we walk through the park,

and the Autumn around us could almost melt our hearts.

I'm so nostalgic today, it's stupid.

Just thinking about the last year,

it's ridiculous to me, like it didn't happen.

But it's quite obvious it definitely did.

The last thing on your mind.

The last word on your breath.

I'll be the one to keep you,

I'll keep you at your best.

The last thing on your mind.

Cuz I don't need your mess.

I'll be the one to keep you

one disaster less.

I'm not tired like you.

I love just sitting at home, listening to acoustic music.

I don't know what it is, but I really do love it.

Aunt Judy and Uncle John are in town until Monday.

They've been here since Thursday, but I got home this morning.

I move in exactly three weeks from today.

I think it finally started setting in, I felt uneasy.

I have a big surprise up my sleeve for a few people.

When it happens, it won't really be a surprise, but they'll love it.

It's something I'm known to do, but this time no one will know.

Well, by no one, I mean no one but one person involved.

I really don't know what I'm talking about.

Stephen Jerzak is playing in my ears.

I'm so unbearably tired right now.

It's bedtime. <3

Today, I'm OK.

Warped Tour in about 14 hours.

We're leaving in about 5 hours.

I hope it pisses people off that I'm there.

Moving in 24 days, thankfully.

I have an interview on Friday@ Kohl's.

Life moves on, and so do I.

I have almost no friends, and I'm happy with that.

Turn to the right.

And keep straight until forever.

Better day. Better mood. Better life.

YESSSSSSSS.

Going to play soccer.

And the world turns...

A lot of things have turned to shit.

I feel like the only two friends I still have that still care are Conor and Samuel.

Everyone else has let me down a lot recently, and I'm at the point where I don't care.

I move in exactly 27 days, and it could not come any sooner.

I've been feeling a lot of stress lately because of some things that I don't even believe are real. But if they are... holy shit, am I in for a rude awakening.

I wish I were moving out of state instead of three hours away.

I'm back to where I feel like if I got a complete redo, or almost a complete redo, I'd be happier.

The one thing that is keeping me in this state is my family. I don't want to be far away from them.

I miss you. More and more each day. You'll never understand, but it's true.

I'm so scared about so many things, but I know you'll always be right beside/behind me with anything. That's what we do for each other.

I love you? Forever. You love me? Always.

Why, Georgia? Why?

John Mayer permanently has my heart. He's such an amazing artist, his voice is just so soothing to me. I can be in the worst mood ever, listen to him, and get cheered up instantly.

Yesterday was Tia's birthday. She's now part of the old people club with me. :D We went out to dinner at Front Street Brewery to celebrate. It was me, her, Sydney, Kelly, Britney, and CJ. It was pretty fun if you ask me.

Last night, Zac stopped by Tia's to come hang out and ended up pissing me off. It seemed like as soon as he got there, he was in a bad mood. Then he spent most of the time outside and hardly with me. I fell asleep, and ended up waking up, and just laid on the couch. He never said bye or anything- just left. I don't know what it was, but I just wasn't in a good mood after that. You may use the excuse "he thought you were asleep", but the thing with him is even when I'm asleep, he still says bye to me when he leaves. Ugh, whatever.

I really hope I go to the Milwaukee Tattoo Convention next month. If I don't, oh well. But if I do, that'd rule so much. Not only did I start my summer vacation up there, but I would also be ending it up there, too. I question why I love it up there so much, and I'm still yet to come up with an answer. There's just something about the city that fills the hole that Wilmington puts in my heart I guess. It's so the opposite of here, which I think is why I love it.

VERSUS...

Anyway, I'm going to sleep now. Done with the update, seeing as there wasn't much to update.

I'm a mess, I confess...

that I'm nothing without you.

I have been doing a lot of thinking today. I really want to go back to last year. This time last year, I was so happy and content with even the smallest and simplest things. Everything seemed to bring a smile to my face. Nowadays, I'm happy one day and then sad and reminiscing the next. Don't get me wrong, everything has been falling into place. There's just that one element that I miss. Nothing and no one could ever make me feel (or at least for a long time) the way I felt this time last year. I just sometimes wish I could take a trip back in the past, just to watch it all happen again. The feelings, the smiles, the giddiness. It just all made so much sense to me for over half a year, then one day it all just went away. All I have to say is I still remember the promise that was made. I'm sure you don't, but it's okay. As long as I do, it's fine... even though it won't come true. I can bet so much on that, as much as I wish it would.

This post is pretty emo, but I'm keeping my chin up. I promise.

Tell me where you are & I'll find you.

A lot has happened in the last two weeks.

First, today is my 20th birthday. It doesn't feel like it at all. I can't believe I'm no longer a teenager.

Second, I got my apartment in Greensboro. I'll get my apartment number and stuff at the end of next month in my email.

Third, I spent the last week with my parents and Tia in Florida. It was so much fun, we didn't wanna come home. But as I've said before, all good things come to an end. It was much needed, and much appreciated.

Fourth, the last night we were in Florida, my parents saw my side and flipped out. They told me they weren't paying for me to go to school or live in my apartment. If I wanted all that, I had to pay since I went behind their backs and got another tattoo. But even in the last few days, we came to an agreement that if my mom bought some fade cream and I used it, that I'd be off the hook again.

Well, mom and dad went to a shop in town and talked to a tattoo artist, and I talked to Al, and mom and dad won't make me use the cream because it's more painful to remove even with the cream than to actually get a tattoo. So I'm pretty sure I get to keep all my ink AND go to school on them. That's such a relief.

Fifth, I'm in love with the new Hit the Lights CD. It's soooo good. They've always been good, but this CD has shown so many improvements. They've definitely taken a walk down the powerpop road for this one. Another new CD I can't wait for is the new Scene Aesthetic CD. One of the songs leaked, and I'm in love with it. Some of the lyrics are at the bottom.

Sixth, I got a new phone. I thought I was getting an iPhone when I got it on eBay, but I obviously didn't look at EVERYTHING in the description. It clearly says "MINI" on the back of the phone, even in the pictures, but I didn't pay attention to that. So now, I have a mini iPhone. It's a pain in the ass at times because of its size, but I like it.

Seventh, I move in less than two months and that kind of scares me. Yeah, I'll only be 3 hours from home, but still. I've spent the last 20 years with my parents, and now I'm out in another city by myself. I don't know what I'm going to do without Tia, though. We won't be able to just show up at each others' houses, no lunch dates in between classes, etc. It really sucks, but at least she can come visit on weekends. Also, luckily I'll have people like Aaron, Summer, and Britany not far at all from me. I won't be completely alone. The downside is I have to live with someone I don't know. That will be a huge change, but it's something I need to get used to. Hopefully my roommate is cool.

Eighth, I've been talking and spending more time with Zac. Yesterday was a pretty groundbreaking day for us over the last month. I'm going to the mountains with him for the 4th. That should be pretty fun. I've missed him so much. I was an idiot when we broke up. I'm just glad he's still willing to put up with me. I don't know what I'm gonna do without him when I go to Greensboro either. I'm proud of him, though. He's going back to school. That's something I've been telling him to do for the last few months. I'm glad he's actually doing it.

Well, that's pretty much everything going on in my life. I think I've written enough now. (:

PS. Happy birthday to meeeeeeeee.

For the longest time, I thought I lost the best of me, but I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure. All I ever wanted was for you to look at me and know I'm all yours. Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives. Like the sun needs the moon to keep it on course. When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life. Just know I'm all yours. I'm a mess. I confess that I'm nothing without you, and there's nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest. Now I see everything and yes, I've known it all along. I was so lost, but I'm back. And I finally know now where my heart belongs.

Once again...

I forgot I had this, haha. When you get out of sync with updating, you tend to forget it exists.

Anyway, life. Update. GOGOGO.

I move in two months. Zac and I broke up, because I'm an idiot, but we're fixing things. Spending a week with the fellas was something I totally needed. Tia came too, and it was just way too much fun. It ended too early, but all good things come to an end.

I go to Greensboro next Thursday to get an apartment! I'm so stoked. I'll have a place to live, yay!

I also already got my classes figured out for the fall:
MWF:
10-10:50: Intro to Narratives
11-11:50: Spanish 2
*(only MW) 3-5:50: Fundamentals of Drawing

TTh:
11-12:15: Survey of Western Art
3:30-4:45: Intro to Religious Studies

It's not too bad of a load. But I'm going to buckle down a lot harder now that I'm not in a community college, and because I'll be living on my own. I won't have anyone to pester me about my work. It's all up to me now.

Fin.

Your troubles will be miles away.

Well, Chicago was one of the best things to happen to me. I miss it already and I've only been home about two days. I miss Julia a lot. I got so used to spending so much time around her, now I feel lonely haha. I'm glad to be back in a way, though, because now I get to see Tia and Zac, and the few others I wanna see. I spent a few days in Milwaukee with some close friends, including my best friend. I love him more than life, and I simply always will. He keeps me positive when things are looking down. I was ridiculous for thinking I could be okay without him in my life- I was so wrong.

Anyway, I don't feel like updating much.
Here's a picture or two.

News.

As of 2:30 this morning, I actually have a boyfriend. (:



Zackary Ward Simoneau.
Yeah, it's official.




I have to wake up in 6 hours.
Off to Chicago for the week!
<3

I'm in Miami, trick.

No, I'm really not. I'm gonna be in Chicago in 3 days, though. It's sooo close. I enjoy getting some breathing room from everything here, even if it's only 5 days. Vacations are lovely.

So, breakdown of my life. Love UNCG. Zac keeps me smiling. School's out, for two weeks. Then it's online classes. Got tattooed last week and love it. I stay content with pretty much everything. (:

Went to Greensboro last night and today. Got a lot of work done for my transfer in the fall. Looked at some off campus apartments, because the housing application deadline was last week, therefore it's doubtful I'd get a place on campus. Britany came to the hotel, and we were bored so we went to Will's new place in High Point. It was awkward seeing Hunter- I avoid him always now. Today, I took a tour around UNCG again, talked to an admissions lady to figure out exactly what I had left to do. Emailed the head of my major to set up an appointment with an adviser to figure out classes. Looked at off campus housing like I said. It's going to be such an adjustment living three hours from home. Yeah, that's not far. But I'm used to my parents being right there. Eh, everyone's gotta go off on their own at some point.

I haven't updated lately because there hasn't been much change. I spend almost everyday with Tia or Zac. He takes care of me all the time and I can't thank him enough for everything. He puts a smile on my face. If I need something, he's the first to get it for me. He's just a real incredible guy. And of COURSE, as soon as I find that near me, I'm moving. :/

Okay, I'm done.

So you see...

This world doesn't matter to me.
I'd give up all I have just to breathe
the same air as you til the day that I die.
I can't take my eyes off of you.

Today will be the day we reach the sky.

Things are going well. I met a new guy I love spending time with. We see each other everyday. He's a good guy in just about every way. He has a job, a house, a car, he pays for stuff which is so cute. When we're together, it's just always so much fun. I've realized I don't despise Wilmington like I thought I did. I just surrounded myself with the wrong people this whole time. Now I love it here.

26 days until I leave for Chicago. That's less than 4 weeks! I'm so excited about it. I miss it up there a lot, and this time when I go up, I can actually do stuff outside, seeing as Sam wouldn't do stuff outside because he hates the snow, blahblahblah. I don't know what it is, but I really enjoy the feeling of being so far away for a few days. I can't imagine moving there right now, but maybe someday my home really will be up there. Who knows, only time will tell.

I am so thankful that my friendship with shithead has survived everything we've been through. He called me the other night and we were talking. He was like, "Find us a house to play a house show there on my birthday! And get other bands. We need to do it big." So I told him I would try to find somewhere, and he was like, "NO! You won't try. You'll do it! You love me, so you'll do it." Haha, I don't know what it is about him, but I love the kid... somehow (: We've survived almost a year of tormenting each other and I'm so glad we've gone this far. He's really the only person I can see myself going through this with. I mean we went from meeting at his show, to talking everyday, to basically being in a relationship- flying to see each other like once a month, to breaking up, to me being stupid and thinking I could end this friendship, to not talking for a month, to being about as close as we were in the beginning. It's been a ridiculous cycle, but geez we've been right there through it all.

That about wraps it up. I have 2 weeks of school left. So stoked to be out. Then a week later I'm gone. (:

River Flows In You

All I wanna do is play piano now. And stay in Wilmington. I don't wanna move. I'm not ready. I want my own place, but here where I feel safe and have my friends.

Days go by and I grow stronger

It takes time, but I never let go.




36 days. I'm so happy to be heading back out there. I'm so excited to see everyone. I'm so excited to take a break from everything going on here. Once I step on that plane... no, once I get to the airport, it will really be a breath of fresh air. Something I haven't had in about 3 months. Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy NC. It's just always good to step away from somewhere you spend everyday and just take a vacation. Vacations are relaxing, a time when you're not supposed to think about the things that stress you out and keep you upset day after day. It's a time when you step aside from it all and spend some time with yourself, do things for you. It's a time that I'm looking very forward to having. Since I'm not moving up there, the next best thing is to go visit.

Anyway, Mom and Dad are still in Florida. They spent Sunday and Monday in Mississippi with their best friends, casino hopping. They won some money and are giving me some. Mom also apparently is getting me a ring. I'm really excited for them to get home. I miss them a lot. It's so quiet without us all being together, whether we're laughing about something or bitching about something. My family means more to me than anyone can understand.

I have to leave now for class. I really don't want to, but I have to go. It's okay, only 4 weeks left. It will go by in a heartbeat, then it'll be time for summer and online classes. I cannot wait.



The summer's taking me to California, but I won't go until you know that what I say is true. When everything you've ever loved has left you, I'll be there, I'll be there for you.

I guess this is growing up.

Well, leave it to Kohl's. As soon as I have a three day weekend and plan on making a two night trip to Greensboro with Madd, I get a bunch of hours. We were gonna go Thursday night-Saturday night, but NO. I have to work Thursday AND Friday, so we're going up Friday when I get off.

This weekend was seriously the best I've ever had. There was a little tension, but that's about it. I loved it. Although I'm sad it's over, because now I have to go to school tomorrow AND I have to sleep alone and it's creepy.

Not that much to update besides the amazing weekend. I'm not sure how I did on my biology test, I didn't study as well as I should have. Oh, and presentations were on Wednesday for lab, and my group definitely bullshitted our presentation and we got points for it. It was AWESOME.

38 days until my midwest vacation, and 30 days until school is out! I'm so ready, you have no earthly idea.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.

Well, thank you Mother Nature. The rain washed all the pollen off my car. But now it's all on the ground in huge piles, and I have a massive migrane. It sucks being allergic to something that happens in nature every year.

Anyway, Mom and Dad leave tomorrow morning to go to Florida for a week. I wish I wasn't in school so I could go with them. This is their third time going in a year. I haven't been since the summer I was entering senior year, and now it's about to be the summer of my junior year of college. Wow, that just made me feel really old to say. It's hard to believe that in a couple months, I'll be a junior IN COLLEGE. I'm still not used to saying, "Yeah, I'm in college." It feels off hahaha.

School is almost done. I have an A or B in journalism, a B in sociology, a B or C in precalculus, a C in photo, and I'm not sure in Biology. We have a test in Bio tomorrow, so I'm studying my brains out tonight to bring my grade up. I also have some catch-up work to do in journalism and I need to start working on my sociology paper.

I leave in 43 days for Chicago and I'm so excited. I get a 5-day break to go up to the Midwest and enjoy the company of the people there. Two weeks after I get home from up there, the boys will be down here. It's nice situation going on, haha.

I'm also going to Florida for a week, then I'm possibly going to California for a week as well! I'm so excited about it. So much traveling this summer. I need to work a lot! Plus I wanna get tattooed again soon. Working 4 hours a week really isn't cutting it, Kohl's!

Once school is out in May, I can start working truck again. That's a 7 hour shift and I'm back in the back the whole time. It'll work out well. Usually there's 2 trucks a week, plus if I work an extra shift or two on the floor or something, I'll have 20+ hours a week. That'd be about $150 a week, which if I work that for a month would give me $600 a month. I'd want to work more than that, but that's just a basic week.

Anyway, I'm in journalism and really need to work on these assignments I don't have done, so bye!

Untitled.

I feel like I have so much on my mind, but at the same time my mind feels free. Things have been looking up so much, I couldn't be more thankful. There's one person I couldn't do any of these things without- the Big Man upstairs. I've had such a clearer view of life since I decided to get close to Him again. Everything has just fallen into place almost perfectly. I'm doing so much better in school. All the Greensboro stuff is going amazingly. My goals are coming together and I'm more content with everything since before all the Sam stuff. Meaning almost a year since I've been completely content.

Speaking of him, we talked yesterday and it was like it used to be. I don't mean cute, corny stuff. I mean when we were BEST FRIENDS and acted like it. We were talking and he was like, "Can you help us get a show on my birthday in Raleigh?" and I told him, "I mean, I guessssssss. But that means I have to see you, UGH. ;)" He replied, "I'm actually really excited to see you Tina. I miss you :]" Seeing him tell me that he wanted to see me and he missed me was a reassurance that through everything we've been through over the last year, everything will be fine and we'll stay friends. We've been through many rough spots, but we've been able to overcome it all, and we're still somehow staying friends. That's so relieving.

There still feels like there's so much more in my head, but I can't untangle everything into words to write in here. If I think of more, I'll come back to this.


Thank you, God for giving me good friends, family, and everything in my life. I couldn't do any of this without you.

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face.

So, ixnay on the otentialpay. Nothing will come of it, but it's fine. I just want to see my best friend. I'm in the library, working on my biology paper with my lab partner. Well, we're getting SOME work done on it. More than we had, hahaha. I don't know. I want it to be April or May. Or August. The sooner I'm out of Wilmington, the better. (: I don't know what to say. I'm done with my update.

I heard somebody call my name.

Best. Weekend. Ever.




That's really all there is to say.






I really hope this has potential.

Can you save me from this wreckage I've become?

These past few days have been very good to me. I'm starting to get closer to God each day and I love it. I really don't know what to write. I made this to vent, but now that I have no problems, I have nothing to vent about anymore.






Life is good.

The tides have changed once again.

I'm not seeing Pat when I was supposed to. It turns out that Rose Funeral can't afford to do the whole tour, so they drop off on the 27th. They were supposed to be here April 3. But good news is they're coming to Danville AND to Raleigh in early May. I'm fine with that, as long as I get to see my best friend.

April 24 & 25, I'm doing the 30 hour famine with Conor. I'm pretty stoked about that.

Don't have much to talk about. I'm never sad anymore. Happy? Yes. Angry? I have been lately at a few people, but they're out of my life now, for good.

Madd's birthday is Sunday. Party Saturday. So stoked.

Today is the day.

Got my car fixed. It only cost $900 instead of $2,000. I'm so tired of my stupid Jetta. It's done nothing but cause problems. I'm at Tia's watching Click. It's been so beautiful the last few days. Got tattooed yesterday. Went to Raleigh- biggest waste of time. Stayed at Conor's. Went to the park and played tennis with Tia and Conor today. Next month needs to hurry and get here. I'm officially going to Chicago/Milwaukee May 14-18! I just bought my ticket today.



Time for pizza.

Blow the candles out.

So, I don't know when I get my car again. It had to go to the shop, and apparently needs over $2,000 in work done to it, according to the Volkswagen people. Screw that, we're shopping around for cheaper mechanics.



That is all.

Redo.

I'm restarting this blog. Most of my posts were depressing and all about one person. I'm tired of thatl Therefore, I'm taking the depressed stuff and throwing it away. My life is past that chapter now.


Positives:
- Moving in 5 months to Greensboro.
- Going to UNCG, though I got into UWM.
- Got my best friend back. I'm working on things. I've learned I don't need him every second of every day. I don't need to talk to him all the time. That will just probably push him away again. I'm going to hold back a lot more now. I lost him once, I'm not trying to lose him again.
- This Friday starts Spring Break. I'm also getting tattooed.
- Next month: Papa Pat, NFG, FOB, and maybe Augusta, GA.
- May 14-18, I'm going to Chicago/Milwaukee as my vacation.
- I'm also doing summer classes so I can get my degree.
- My friends and family keep me so happy, and I met a guy I am starting to feel a connection with.

Negatives:
- Living on my own will be scary, especially with no roommates.
- Work hasn't been giving me very many hours lately.


As you can see, the positives outweigh the negatives by a lot. I'm so happy with everything right now, you wouldn't believe it. Everything really is coming together nicely.