Tale as old as time.

Beauty and the Beast will forever be my Disney movie. It has more meaning to me than anyone could begin to imagine, nor will anyone be able to imagine. It has (in a way) helped form me into who I am today. As a child, that movie was my life. As a teenager, it was an inspiration. As an adult, I can't even begin to explain. I see myself as a lot like Belle. When it comes to love, I can see past a guy's outer appearance and see them for who he really is. It's how I've always aspired to be, and as I grew up, I saw it happen.

Anyway, enough of my Disney rant. I mean if I could, I'd go live in Disney World, just to be around it all the time. Not to mention the live performance of Beauty and the Beast brought me to tears. Anyway... tomorrow, I leave to go home for Thanksgiving. I'm soo excited. I mean, I haven't seen Zac in almost a month. I haven't seen Tia in a few weeks. Conor's only been like 2 weeks, but still. And it's been almost a month since I saw my family as well. I've already packed and gotten everything ready to go. The only thing I have left to do is bake the pumpkin pies, go see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, pack up my computer, and head out.

There's been a lot of stuff going on, but a lot of it has been straightened out. I'm just so ready for December and January. Christmas, Chicago, and the boys coming down here are the three biggest events coming up.

Christmas: self-explanatory. I mean, come on! A fun holiday with presents and family and cold weather, and it's just a lot of fun.

Chicago: Summer, Britany, Kara, Mika, and I are going Dec 29-Jan 2 just to take a girls' trip and get away. New Years is always exciting, especially when in such a big city, away from home. We're driving my car, which is only a 12 hour drive (yes, I know it sounds long. I've done a 12 hour drive to go see the guys for ONE night, so that long of a trip for almost a week to see them plus Julia PLUS celebrating New Years in the city is sooo worth it!).

The boys coming down: Starting January 1, the boys will be on tour with The Crimson Armada and In the Midst of Lions. They come to Raleigh (The Brewery) on January 13 (which just so happens to be the day after Clay's birthday- they're always around me on/near someone's birthday! And it's the same day I went to Nashville to see them last year). They're (hopefully only SSS) staying at my apartment, and Britany and I already declared it Bro Night after the show, meaning pizza and beer. It'll be nice to have a Sleep Serapis Sleepover and not have to pay for hotel rooms. I only do it because I love them though, and feel like the mother figure when they're out on the road. They're my boys and I don't want anything to happen to them.

I can't think of anything else to talk about, sooo... here's a video.

For everything under the sun, I owe you one.

So the last few days have been a roller coaster. It's finally that time of the month, which came as SUCH a relief. I hadn't had... that time since the end of September. I hate how irregular I am and how much it scares me. But there's no need to worry. That's added to my random (bad enough as it is) mood swings, and amplified them.

Anyways, today is Friday, November 20, 2009. I only have 5 days until I'm home for Thanksgiving. Super excited. Courtney's baby boy is due tomorrow. I can't believe I'm going to be an "aunt" once again. This break is going to be awesome on so many levels. First time in four years that I'm not working on Black Friday.

Plans for Chicago have been firmed. We're going December 29-Jan 2. It's going to be me, Summer, Kara, her friend Mika, and maybe Libby. It's a strictly girls' trip, and I'm so excited. I miss the big city so much. I'll be so happy once I'm back. The only thing that will suck is driving in the snow/ice, plus the drastically cold temperatures. And Julia has to work some of the time. It will be so worth it once we're there, though.

Today started out with me thinking the worst, and ended up turning out well. I woke up (and went to bed) with the worst cramps in the world. I had to go to class to get a quiz and take a Spanish test. Well, in Lit, we did the quiz in partners, got to use our notes... everything. Pretty much an instant 100. THEN! We got to revise an old quiz on cinema/film terms by analyzing The Dark Knight. The best part is we did it Wednesday, and today we had to write down whatever we could remember that we talked about in class. After that, I went to my Spanish class, expecting the worst for my test since I'd hardly studied. When we got the test, I went through it and knew a lot of it pretty well. Some of it I had a little trouble on, but the majority was easy. After that, I walked home. Normally I walk to the EUC, down Walker, and to my apartment. Today, though, I thought about changing my path. I went down Spring Garden, took Aycock, and then went down Cobb, which ends in my complex. As I was walking, I was thinking. Something came over me and gave me the best disposition for some reason. It was a very nice walk. Not too cold. Etc. Ever since I left my Spanish class, feeling confident, today has really turned around.

I should probably wrap this up so I can get showered and take a nap before work. I'm working 4-8 today, 9-3:15 tomorrow, and 6-10 on Tuesday. Then I'm done with Kohl's for good. After this, I'm not rehireable, because i'm not finishing out my two weeks. Whatever, I'm not sweating it.

KBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I don't remember you looking any better...

Then again, I don't remember you.

I'm sitting in class as I write this. We're taking notes on Romanticism artwork in the 19th century. I should be taking notes, but I don't have the brain capacity today. I'm finally getting better from my illness. Turns out the doctor thought it was a sinus infection. I got 3 different types of pills to take, and it's all really helping.

I have a full day today. After class, I'm off to Denny's with Britany. Then back to my Religious Studies class. THEN! it's off to work, 6-10. Today, I get to put in my two weeks notice. I'm so excited, and I hope it bothers Wanda. She's a bitch anyway.

My computer is close to being dead, and I only have 5 minutes left in class. I'm done.

I won't give up, I won't run.

News flash: Fever has now broken 100 degrees. I'm definitely going to the clinic at 5, when it opens. I feel awful- worse than any other time I've been sick lately. Then again I've had many different types of sick/sucknesses (UTI, Strep Throat, etc). I've lived here 3 months and this is the third time I've gotten sick. If this keeps up, I really don't wanna live here anymore. Or maybe I should actually try taking care of myself hahaha.

Anyway, today is November 15. It's been a year since Sammie came down to visit. I've thought about it today, like I figured I would. It also made me think of it being a year since Sammie punched Robbie in the face, which made me laugh. Anyway, it's really not getting to me like I thought it would. Then again, I'm more worried about getting over whatever sickness I have.

I don't have much to talk about. I'm just being a grump and listening to John Mayer. Finally set up my schedule for next semester for my meeting with my advisor next semester. Bring it on, Spring semester! ;)

Who says I can't get stoned?

The new John Mayer CD rules so hard. I just wanted to throw that out there.

I am currently sick, which sucks. I have a 99 degree fever, which isn't that bad. But it's still a fever and it's still contagious. Chances are if I feel like this in the morning, I'm not going into work.

I'm really hungry and craving really weird things, but I can't decide what I wanna eat. I know I want rice cakes and peanut butter, but I don't have any rice cakes. I also want hummus, but it's garlic so I kinda don't want it right now. I think I'll just heat up the queso and have it and chips.

Once again, Libby is gone for the weekend, so my apartment is really lonely. Luckily, I have the voice of John Mayer to keep me happy.

I'm done.

Have yourself a merry little...

Yeah, it's getting to be that time. Thanksgiving is just two weeks away, and then hardly a month later comes Christmas. I don't know why, but I always seem to be down around the holidays. It doesn't make sense to me. I act like I'm happy. I tell myself I'm happy. But deep down, I don't feel happy. The holidays are a time of joy, togetherness, and celebrating. Yet while I'm doing all that, I never feel it the way I should. Sometimes I'm convinced I'm an extremely amazing actress. I can fool others into thinking I'm okay. Hell, I can even convince myself that I'm okay. Yet when I really sit here and think about it, it really is all a lie. I go with the flow. I just go with it all. I wish that one of these times I'd be sincere about being happy. Maybe it's the fact that I do a lot of stuff by myself. Who knows.

Ever since I was younger and saw how two faced people really can be, I've always felt like they're the same way toward me. Hence why I do a lot of the things I do alone, or even like being alone at all. Sometimes I really don't like being alone, but I'd rather be alone than lied to, because either way I'd still end up alone. One way, though, wouldn't involve lies and the unnecessary stuff.

This Christmas will be the first time I have to come home in order to celebrate. I don't like that. I like being home already where I can see my grandma every day if I want to. She's 91 years old, and we're all so scared she's not going to make it much longer because ever since my Aunt Catherine (her sister) died, she has started really going downhill. Her sister was her support, her lifeline, her everything. I'm so worried. This constant stress of her has started weighing down.

Also, this time last year was the happiest I'd been in my entire life. I know I've mentioned it so many times, but this weekend makes an entire year. I'm so over that person, but not how I felt at the time. That feeling I had was the greatest feeling ever. It's taken a year, and though I've gotten really close to it, I still haven't gotten IT. Then again, when you're head over heels for someone and things diminish, it takes a lot of time to ever feel something like that again. Mainly because of the walls you learn to put up so you never feel as hurt as you did when it ended. I'm glad things turned out the way they did, I just wish I could get that feeling back. I'd give anything pretty much.

Today is my Aunt Mary's birthday. My family is very close and for birthdays we always get together and celebrate. My family is my life, and, though I may not have shown it in the past, they mean the entire world to me. It really sucks to know that I'm 200 miles away right now instead of at my grandmother's, having a birthday dinner with the family.

This post is pretty pointless- I'm just getting things out there that have been on my mind so much lately. I felt it is time to let these things out, because keeping stuff bottled in is never helpful, nor is it healthy.

I'm going to Chicago for New Years. I don't care if I fly or I drive with some people- I am going. I haven't told many people about this trip, because I really don't want many people to know. I just need another break. This North Carolina air has me so clogged up and I just need some fresh air to breathe. Like I said, I've had so much on my mind. Some of it I don't even feel safe writing in here. That's how much shit has been on my mind. A couple people reading this know, though.

I miss my old best friend more and more every day. Danielle and I have been friends since I was 6 years old. We never EVER got into a fight. We always worked things through if we disagreed on it, or picked on each other until it didn't even matter anymore (never mean picking, always joking). We used to be inseparable. She and I could tell each other EVERYTHING and not worry about anyone else knowing. She was the one person I always felt 100% comfortable with and didn't worry about her talking behind my back about anything. A friendship that lasted that long wouldn't be a fake one. It kills me to know that ever since she started dating Derek, our friendship started falling apart. And it's taken me about 6 months, but I have realized a lot of it is my fault. When she would try talking to me about stuff, I just took it as the same stuff she always talked about and would brush it off. I went through a phase where all I cared about was myself. I didn't think anything of it, but it really pushed away the one friend I had that was greater than any other I'd had in my entire lifetime. She put up with all the bullshit going on in my life (the guys included), the 400 mile move I made, and the fact that we had to go from seeing each other multiple times a week to seeing each other only 3 or 4 times a year. She put up with so much, and I didn't realize how grateful I was to have her in my life. No one will ever understand how much this girl meant to me, and always will. It REALLY sucks because I'm constantly having dreams about us being friends again and everything being perfectly fine. Then I wake up and remember that we're no longer friends. And haven't been for the last six months. The last time we talked, we got into a huge fight via texting while I was in Florida on vacation.

I think I'm done wasting your time with this post. I've just had all of this bottled up. It may not even make sense to you, but it does to me. And it all has been nagging at my throat and my brain. I wish I could just rid my brain of so many things that have happened in my life, as well as a lot of people.