Is it too late to save you now?

Is it too late to save you somehow?

If you wanna believe in me,

don't tell me you're leaving.

Please don't be leaving me.

Cause where you are going

is not where you need to be.

I am here for you if you want me to.

Fifteen days. That's not much time at all. As usual, there is so much going on in my head.

I'm a total wreck today. Thank you stress, school, life, and Harley. My chest hurts and my eyes have stayed watery all day. I just want to get on a plane and fly far away from here. I don't care where (although Los Angeles or Chicago would be nice), I just want to get up and go. No byes or anything. BAM! Gone.

I work a full day's shift today, 3:45-11:30. At least it'll be money.

Zac and I are better again. He might be going to Chapel Hill for school. I really hope he does. He needs to get back into school, I would like that. We've been talking everyday for the last couple days again, and I'm fine with it.

The Scene Aesthetic plays in 27 days in Charlotte, I'm so ready to see them. They play the day before in Greensboro, but I'll be in Raleigh seeing Brandon. Unless I have to work on the 27th, then that would really suck. Decisions, decisions.

I'm fed up with my best friend again, and I'm taking a break. I'm not announcing it to him this time, but I'm putting space in between us again. He's been ignoring me for the last few days, so I'll give him what he obviously wants. If I didn't care so much about him or our past, I'd just say fuck it once and for all again. But I can't do that to us. That's not a good way to handle problems in a friendship or relationship.

I can't wait to move, yet I'm scared shitless. I haven't lived on my own yet, and it's not like I can go across town to come see my family every night. I'll be 3 hours away. Three long, boring hours. I already know that the first few days I'm going to go crazy. I can predict that I'll start crying as soon as my parents walk out the door when we move me into the apartment. I'm such an emotional wreck all the time, it sucks.

I feel like I need to go see a therapist or something. I'm always quick to snap and my emotions overlap so much it's ridiculous. I can be in the best mood, and thirty seconds later, I'll be screaming and pissed off. From there, I get in a depressed, upset state. After I go through that stage, I'm back to being happy. That's always the cycle.

Happy --->Pissed off --->Sad --->Repeat.

I'm so sick of it. It tires me out so much and it's not something I need.

Anyway, I need to stop talking about everything. At times, I forget people read this, and sometimes I say too much. Like now, too much.

Before too long, you'll be a memory.

So, Harley died today.

I'm tired of hearing "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

I've only known for like 20 minutes, and everyone keeps saying it.

If you didn't do it, you have nothing to be sorry about.

If you've got nothing to be sorry about, don't say it!

I keep thinking back to the past and THAT sucks.

I'm tired of dwelling. I'm tired of being bipolar as shit.

I'm tired of being just me. I want to be someone different now.

I'm tired of always having feelings. Especially involving someone in my past.

I'm tired of thinking about how amazing I used to feel or how happy I was.

I'm tired of caring about you, even though I'm not tired of it.

I'm just so tired of everything at the moment.

People, places, things.

I just want to buy a one way ticket somewhere and not turn back.

I just want to go; start over. I'm quite fine with that.

And we walk through the park,

and the Autumn around us could almost melt our hearts.

I'm so nostalgic today, it's stupid.

Just thinking about the last year,

it's ridiculous to me, like it didn't happen.

But it's quite obvious it definitely did.

The last thing on your mind.

The last word on your breath.

I'll be the one to keep you,

I'll keep you at your best.

The last thing on your mind.

Cuz I don't need your mess.

I'll be the one to keep you

one disaster less.

I'm not tired like you.

I love just sitting at home, listening to acoustic music.

I don't know what it is, but I really do love it.

Aunt Judy and Uncle John are in town until Monday.

They've been here since Thursday, but I got home this morning.

I move in exactly three weeks from today.

I think it finally started setting in, I felt uneasy.

I have a big surprise up my sleeve for a few people.

When it happens, it won't really be a surprise, but they'll love it.

It's something I'm known to do, but this time no one will know.

Well, by no one, I mean no one but one person involved.

I really don't know what I'm talking about.

Stephen Jerzak is playing in my ears.

I'm so unbearably tired right now.

It's bedtime. <3

Today, I'm OK.

Warped Tour in about 14 hours.

We're leaving in about 5 hours.

I hope it pisses people off that I'm there.

Moving in 24 days, thankfully.

I have an interview on Friday@ Kohl's.

Life moves on, and so do I.

I have almost no friends, and I'm happy with that.

Turn to the right.

And keep straight until forever.

Better day. Better mood. Better life.

YESSSSSSSS.

Going to play soccer.

And the world turns...

A lot of things have turned to shit.

I feel like the only two friends I still have that still care are Conor and Samuel.

Everyone else has let me down a lot recently, and I'm at the point where I don't care.

I move in exactly 27 days, and it could not come any sooner.

I've been feeling a lot of stress lately because of some things that I don't even believe are real. But if they are... holy shit, am I in for a rude awakening.

I wish I were moving out of state instead of three hours away.

I'm back to where I feel like if I got a complete redo, or almost a complete redo, I'd be happier.

The one thing that is keeping me in this state is my family. I don't want to be far away from them.

I miss you. More and more each day. You'll never understand, but it's true.

I'm so scared about so many things, but I know you'll always be right beside/behind me with anything. That's what we do for each other.

I love you? Forever. You love me? Always.

Why, Georgia? Why?

John Mayer permanently has my heart. He's such an amazing artist, his voice is just so soothing to me. I can be in the worst mood ever, listen to him, and get cheered up instantly.

Yesterday was Tia's birthday. She's now part of the old people club with me. :D We went out to dinner at Front Street Brewery to celebrate. It was me, her, Sydney, Kelly, Britney, and CJ. It was pretty fun if you ask me.

Last night, Zac stopped by Tia's to come hang out and ended up pissing me off. It seemed like as soon as he got there, he was in a bad mood. Then he spent most of the time outside and hardly with me. I fell asleep, and ended up waking up, and just laid on the couch. He never said bye or anything- just left. I don't know what it was, but I just wasn't in a good mood after that. You may use the excuse "he thought you were asleep", but the thing with him is even when I'm asleep, he still says bye to me when he leaves. Ugh, whatever.

I really hope I go to the Milwaukee Tattoo Convention next month. If I don't, oh well. But if I do, that'd rule so much. Not only did I start my summer vacation up there, but I would also be ending it up there, too. I question why I love it up there so much, and I'm still yet to come up with an answer. There's just something about the city that fills the hole that Wilmington puts in my heart I guess. It's so the opposite of here, which I think is why I love it.

VERSUS...

Anyway, I'm going to sleep now. Done with the update, seeing as there wasn't much to update.

I'm a mess, I confess...

that I'm nothing without you.

I have been doing a lot of thinking today. I really want to go back to last year. This time last year, I was so happy and content with even the smallest and simplest things. Everything seemed to bring a smile to my face. Nowadays, I'm happy one day and then sad and reminiscing the next. Don't get me wrong, everything has been falling into place. There's just that one element that I miss. Nothing and no one could ever make me feel (or at least for a long time) the way I felt this time last year. I just sometimes wish I could take a trip back in the past, just to watch it all happen again. The feelings, the smiles, the giddiness. It just all made so much sense to me for over half a year, then one day it all just went away. All I have to say is I still remember the promise that was made. I'm sure you don't, but it's okay. As long as I do, it's fine... even though it won't come true. I can bet so much on that, as much as I wish it would.

This post is pretty emo, but I'm keeping my chin up. I promise.