Cue depressing music.

Life fucking sucks now. I was so happy for so long, god forbid I actually keep a smile on my face. I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. Summer is supposed to be a happy, fun time. I have a boyfriend, so I should be happy, giddy, and girly. So why do I feel like life is so miserable? Now that I have to give my boyfriend space to sort out his life, I feel like I don't have one. I feel like I'm losing my number one best friend. We're not even broken up! But I'm so used to seeing him constantly, it feels like we are. I'm so dead to everything when I'm home now. When I'm out, I'm fine. I'm happy, carefree, and people would think I'm okay. I'm NOT okay. I feel like a fucking emo kid, but it sucks. I blame love. If I wasn't in it, I would just walk away from everything and be okay. I can't though. Fuck me, right? When you find the love of your life, you want to do everything possible to push away all the bad things. The only thing I can do is leave him be. It hurts when the only thing you can do to be there for them is NOT be there. :/

I haven't heard from him since 10:20am yesterday morning. It's currently 5:30pm the next day. It's been... 31 hours. He said he doesn't want to push me away. Guess what, this is killing me and pushing me away. Even a fucking "hey, i'm alive. i love you." would suffice for me. I can't even get a goddamn "hey" out of him. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Fuck this. This writing is just making me worse.